Kitten Champion

"The most poetic, oldest and all-around wierdest member of the moderator team...and the user base...and the internet." - Shinku-san

"You see Kitten Champion when you shut your eyes so tightly that tiny shapes float before them." - Ai Maeda; actress, singer, superhuman assassin

Real Name: None

Birthday: October 3, 1983

First Appearance: Shinku-san Comics #7

Member since: December 13, 2002

Height: 5' 3"

Weight: 126 lbs.

Eyes: Big and green

Hair: Dark brown under the silly straw hat

Job: Moderator on the Ninja Burger forum; Head of Advertising at The Shinku-san Corporation; Second wave member of The Warriors of the Ancestors

Location: A very large pineapple

Current Status: Adorable, and alive

Known Relatives: None

Quote:"This is why I like Joshi. The fans are rowdy, violent, and comprised mostly of Japanese housewives and secretaries."

Early in the 1980s, a mysterious bundle turned up on the doorstep of the Yumedora Martial Arts Academy. Found by one of the students, it was brought to the master of the academy, the ancient housecat skilled in deadly arts Master Sprinkles. Upon discovering the bundle contained a baby, Master Sprinkles was faced with the decision to either sell the toddler or cook it. He decided eventually to keep it, and raise him as one of his students. The baby grew in the ways of the Yumedora fighting style, into a boy, and eventually a man, taking to the flamboyant and occasionally preposterous style of fighting which required combatants to wear exotic silk kimonos with fluffy ribbons, and permitted high-ranking members to doff large round straw hats with fuzzy cat ears.

Never given a name, the young warrior became one of Master Sprinkles brightest pupils, coming to accept him as the father he never had (Saturday morning cartoons took the place of his mother). One day however, fate tipped its hand and changed the relatively peaceful life of the young man.

Nearly eighteen, the warrior returned from paying respect to the Hello Kitty Funshine Shrine of Eternal Peace and Cookies to find the dojo he called home in a shambles. The entire collegium of students lay scattered around the shattered home in varying degrees of death, and the warrior found even Master Sprinkles private quarters breached, and choked back his emotion as the centuries-old bipedal cat lay slain brutally on the straw mats. The warrior decided then and there, as was customary at the time, to exact revenge on whoever was responsible for killing Master Sprinkles, the only father he could lay claim to, and for reducing the membership of the Yumedora to one in a single stroke. Without name, the warrior took the highest ranking title under Master Sprinkles in the fighting style, Kitten Champion, as his name, and set out to take vengeance.

Unfortunately, Kitten Champion had no idea of how to go about this task, having no clues as to the destruction. Bearing this in mind, he settled for tearing apart anything that came in his way, starting by shaking down innocent strangers, to later leveling buildings and entire municipalities in a froth of vengeful anger. Cutting an apparently random swathe of destruction, Kitten Champion simply razed everything he came across, assuming eventually he would kill the person or persons he wanted to. This random destruction caught the attention of the Canadian crime organization D.E.G.R.A.S.S.I. (see DEGRASSI) on several occasions, and Kitten Champion grappled often with their agents.

Eventually, Kitten Champion's one-man war led him to the doorstep of The Shinku-san Corporation where he demanded a challenge and attempted to lay seige to the building before Shinku-san taking note of the tremendous power and lack of respect for innocents Kitten Champion displayed, offered him a job. Kitten Champion was reluctant, but after years of being pretty much homeless, took the job as a means to fund his quest.

The quest diminished in Kitten Champion's mind as the years passed, however. Kitten Champion was later made a Warrior of the Ancestors, at the time, seemingly cementing his loyalty to Ninjaburger and Shinku-san. It was not long after that his once undaunted voyage was forgotten entirely. His Yumedora skills followed soon after, when, losing his left arm in a battle to Shadows_Eyes it was replaced with a robotic metal affair. Kitten Champion came to rely exclusively on the use of his machinery claw and his former martial arts, talents, which had led him to the highest rank, were lost to him.

Kitten Champion's life since the loss of his arm has beared little resemblance to the early years of mass murder and wholesale property damage, and civilian work has cooled his temper. Occasionally, Kitten Champion would embroil himself in a fight with Nikkoru, the previous war against D.E.G.R.A.S.S.I not forgotten entirely, and their arguements ranged from opinions of nationality and equality between genders to who has prettier hair. Also of note is Kitten Champion's eventual discovery of who killed Master Sprinkles.

Concluding that The Shinku-san Corporation's huge storehouses of knowledge would contain the answer he sought, Kitten Champion stumbled upon the awful truth that Ai Maeda, the only other practitioner of Yumedora to achieve rank of Kitten Champion, destroyed the academy and Master Sprinkles with it. Kitten Champion confronted the Japanese pop singer, and the two squared off in a battle destined to close the earliest chapters of their lives. Ai Maeda, never forgetting her skills took the early upper hand, destroying Kitten Champion's metal arm almost immediately and intending to make short work of the last warrior in her way to the path of total supremacy. Also key was Kitten Champion's secret love for Ai Maeda, his reluctance to injure her allowing his mechanical arm to be shorn off abruptly. Kitten Champion's arm destroyed, and his reluctance to hurt Ai Maeda leaving him powerless, there seemed little question of his demise until Twelfth, who had accompanied him to the battle stepped in, and with practiced ease, decimated Ai Maeda, to the delight and sorrow of Kitten Champion.

Kitten Champion, to his chagrin posesses no extensive of knowledge of the Yumedora fighting style any longer, relying instead on his robotic left arm during pitched battles. The arm is consistently damaged and destroyed, being made of unknown materials, though rubber bands, wood screws and tinfoil are all visible components, and Kitten Champion screams like a little girl every time it is repaired. Kitten Champion's position at The Shinku-san Corporation requires him to claim an assitant, a position filled by Twelfth, although technically she is an entirely separate agent and does no real work towards Kitten Champion's end. The two have become friends since she saved Kitten Champion's life. Despite the occasional bad-tempered outburst, surge of absurdity, and pointlessly long-winded rant in various styles such as Keiichi Sigsawa or the DC Who's Who comic series, Kitten Champion is an accepted, if slightly crazy member of the Ninjaburger family.